I’m Just Not That Into…Belts

Oh, belts. You’re such a fashion staple these days. Belts over cardigans, belts over coats, belts over blazers, belts over dresses, belts over long scarves over dresses. You even masquerade as a “ribbon” around the waists of today’s wedding and bridesmaid gowns.

Your impact on the silhouette of the modern woman is undeniable. And you come in so many forms: skinny, extra-wide, double-wrap and obi, just to be more approachable. But I’m sorry to tell you: I’m just not that into you.

I have absolutely no urge to belt my long cardigans. Sometimes when I’m getting dressed, I think to myself, “Hey, you should really put on a belt to draw attention to your waist and visually break up the length of your outfit. You know, that sweater could be mistaken for a nightgown if you don’t cinch it in with a 3-inch wide belt.” So I put one on. Is it supposed to sit higher than my pants, or lower, or at the same level? I walk around my room. The belt moves all over the place and ends up sagging down in the front and goes high in the back. I take it off.

I have about 10 belts. It’s almost impossible for me to wear them, except for on pants/skirt/jeans with belt loops. Without the loops, I am lost. Maybe my problem is that none of my belts are stretchy. Maybe a wide stretchy belt would stay put without loops...or maybe it will slide up as soon as I sit down. Hmm.

So I'm hoping that the belt craze will end soon, so that another 5th grader won't come up to me at church and tell me, "You know, you really need to wear a belt with that."